


Selfish, Selfless, Selfhatred

by teethpunkk



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Based on True Events, Delusions, Depression, Hopeful ending?, Hurt No Comfort, Miscommunication, Obsession, One-Sided Attraction, Panic Attacks, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, also sorry bad, lowercase intended, mental breakdown tingz, seriously this is so self indulgent you really don't have to read it, short sweet and full of agony, so much miscommunication, sorry skeppy, suicide ideation, this is really self indulgent sorry, word vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:27:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25107748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teethpunkk/pseuds/teethpunkk
Summary: He was protecting himself. That's why he said it.He hadn't stopped to think what he was protecting himself from.And who he was hurting.
Relationships: Zak Ahmed & Darryl Noveschosch, Zak Ahmed & Vincent | A6d, Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Comments: 3
Kudos: 140





	Selfish, Selfless, Selfhatred

**Author's Note:**

> this is literally me just pushing my feelings and thoughts onto Minecraft YouTubers 
> 
> it is implied that Skeppy has a crush on Bad in this but it's not a key part of the plot

"i think we need to... take a break or something."

his chest felt light and his head throbbed with emotion.

"you need to think about this more. you need..." 

a sharp sigh and the sound of glasses being thrown down onto a desk.

"you need to be more kind. there's a certain point where the joke isn't funny anymore, zak."

he cringed as his name was thrown out so sternly, the man behind the screen had never once used his name in such a negative way before and that scared the shit out of him. he felt small and helpless. he knew what he did wrong but at the same time his stubborn brain refused to let him admit it.

"i- uhm..."

words fail. he spirals deeper.

"don't talk. please."

the broken man can only watch and wait as the person who he loved the most locks him out and throws away the key. the tears flowed and he clenched his teeth in pain as waves of disgust towards himself wracked his brain.

"i'm.... no, I'm not sorry. fix this-- i don't even know-- this attitude of yours."

"um. please-"

"goodbye, zak."

he was alone again. 

he would spend hours in bed, face scratchy with dried tears and his head pulsating. his neck and shoulders raw and blotchy from his blunt nails digging into them and breaking the skin. his sheets were tousled and stained red and he gagged and retched at the iron like smell. he would get up. he would go into his small bathroom and open up the medicine cabinet. he knew a way out. he knew how to feel better. he knew it, and yet he faltered. his phone beeped obnoxiously where it was set leaning dangerously off the edge of the sink. he felt a tug in his chest, begging and pleading to any god watching that it was who he wanted it to be. it wasn't. instead stared back a simple text from a friend.

a6d - 6:34 pm  
hey, stay strong okay? you mean a lot to me. talk to me if you need.

his body contorted, fresh tears nibbling at his raw cheeks and dropping unceremoniously onto the screen of his phone. his hands shook as he slumped down onto the floor. he couldn't understand why after everything he's done and said anyone would care about him. he was confused, the mixed emotions flurrying around his brain made him finally lose touch and he sobbed brokenly out into an empty space. 

he couldn't understand why he could just be so carelessly thrown the the side by someone he loves. he couldn't understand why he was so upset about it. he didn't say never again. he said a break was needed. a break doesn't last forever. he needed to get a hold of himself, his fingers digging into his palm had grounded him enough to realize that he was being stupid. he had always been stupid. he never truly understood the consequences of his actions until it was too late and he was being abandoned again. but he wasn't abandoned. he screamed, hoarse and loud. the thoughts were too confusing and he couldn't understand anything anymore. he felt his body sag with the weight of the day, he groaned as his head collided with the floor in a way that caused sparks of pain to shoot up his spine. he decided that he deserved to lay there on the cold and grimey floor. his finger nails had dried blood, skin, and grout packed underneath to which he cringed at. he crashed quite literally on the floor, feeling consciousness fade in and out before losing it all together. 

when he would wake up a few hours later he would throw his phone on his desk and turn on his monitor, looking for comfort in distraction.

**Author's Note:**

> yes this really did happen to me except I did not get the liberty of being told that I was a terrible person I was just booted from the group with no remorse hehe  
> also I didn't get a "take a break" either, I'm just a sucker for hopeful endings even though I've never had one
> 
> I guess implied as well that skeppy has autism might as well give him every negative trait of mine huh ❤️


End file.
